Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
