I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
