i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
