Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
