Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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