Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
