i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
