Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
