Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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