I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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