and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
