My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
