can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
