i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
