Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
