Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize