I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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