How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
