I CAN MOONWALK!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
