Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
