I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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