you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
