Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
