as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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