Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
