I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
