my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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