she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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