Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
