im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
