Don't you send me to vm
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
