what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she told me i tasted like america
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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