Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
