So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
