Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
