The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
