This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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