I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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