im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
