so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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