M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
