Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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