so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
