Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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