Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
