when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
