I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
