Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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