i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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