Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
