How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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