So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
