I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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