your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
