call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
