You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
