It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
