Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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