She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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