WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
