that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
