also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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