i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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