ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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