you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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