I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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