do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
