guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
