I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're too hungover to prance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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