where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
