I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
