They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
