I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
