TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
