Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
