Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
