i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
